Could anything be hotter, or scarier, than this wall-pound apparatus?
In Japanese romantic fiction, there’s no steamier move than the kabe-don, where a gruff but secretively sensitive guy pounds the wall behind the girl he’s talking to, in a dynamic show of both his physical strength and desperate emotional vulnerability.
ボルサラで壁ドン https://t.co/XE3TeFD6kE
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まつ (@fu6ide) July 14, 2019
However, as much as some women would like to be on the receiving end of this iconic declaration of love, in the real world it’s not always so easy to find someone willing to make such a dynamic gesture. In the past, there was a kabe-don cafe, kabe-don anime shop, and even kabe-don pizza delivery service, but those were all limited-time affairs. So are young maidens without a suitably strong-willed love interest doomed to a kabe-don-less life?
Nope, because now there’s a special single-person kabe-don machine!
ひとりで壁ドンできるマシーン です。 https://t.co/8Xs5RSS2Qd
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楠うり(たまごっど) (@uri1221tg) July 24, 2019
In the above video, up-and-coming idol singer Uri Kusunoki (@uri1221tg on Twitter), tries the apparatus out for herself. No electricity, gasoline, or any fuel is required to operate it. The kabe-don machine is built on a frame of three connected rods, and all you need to do is step down on the one that’s sticking up in the starting position…
…which rotates the frame along its fulcrum…
…and sends your “boyfriend” hurtling towards you to execute a powerful kabe-don!
Watching the video, you’ll notice that due to the weight of the boyfriend, the pliancy of the rod, or a combination of both, the rod bends as it rises, which provides a burst of acceleration due to the way the torso whips forward during the final stage of the rotation.
As a matter of fact, the resulting impact (and perhaps the boyfriend’s lack of head or below-the-waist body) is so startling that while just about everyone has been entertained by the design, some commenters aren’t sure they’d call it romantic, with reactions such as:
“It’s like something out of a horror movie.”
“It’s not so much a kabe-don as a kabe-DOOON!!!”
“I think I’d throw a counterpunch to the body as that thing comes at me.”
“If you’re not standing in the right place when it comes up, it’s going to sumo-slap you.”
“This would really get my heart pounding, but not in a sexy way.”
If you’re wondering who to thank/blame for this latest advancement in kabe-don culture, it’s self-professed “extracurricular one-sided loving delusional inventor” Tiger Lee (@tiger___lee on Twitter), whose other creations include the “Simultaneous Clock,” which has only a second and minute hand.
「今何時？」 「同時」 説明まだのかたぜひお待ちしております！ #たいがー・りー #放課後片想い系妄想発明展 https://t.co/gY8x0KgAHB
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たいがー・りー【Eテレ シャキーン！】 (@tiger___lee) July 24, 2019
If you’d like to try the kabe-don machine for yourself, it’s part of a one-person exhibit Tiger Lee is currently holding at Toytoytoy, an interior goods shop in Takamatsu, Kagawa Prefecture, until August 12. Given the unique opportunity the kabe-don machine presents, though, there might be a line, so make sure you’ve got some music to listen to on your boyfriend hug speakers while you wait.
Related: Toytoytoy
Source, images: Twitter/@uri1221tg
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