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Our Japanese-language reporter and Ikea ice cream cone fan Ahiruneko loves potato chips, no matter the brand, but the ones that come in a tube are always just a bit more expensive, so, in his opinion, they have a kind of special aura to them.
However, he recently bought a certain brand for the first time in a while, and when he opened the can, he felt his shoulders sink. The number of chips seemed somehow lower than usual. Is that how it’s always been? Ahiruneko couldn’t remember, but the number of chips felt like too little for how long the tube was.
He’d never expected to be disappointed even before eating the chips themselves, but the world is a cruel place, and that’s why Ahiruneko decided to do an extensive analysis to find out which brand of tube chips is the least disappointing right when you open the can.
He prepared five different brands to compare:
Kellog’s Pringles
Yamazaki Biscuit Chip Star
Bourbon Potelka
Top Valu Potato Crisps
Don Quijote Canister Potato Chips
He also bought Calbee Potato Chips Crisps to include in the analysis, but as of December 4, the product had disappeared from Calbee’s website, so it looks like they’ve stopped making them. Since analyzing them defeats the purpose of this experiment–you can’t judge the disappointment of a product that doesn’t exist anymore–he left them off (and ate them later on their own).
Now then, let’s move on to the analysis. Ahiruneko was determined to find out which brand was the least disappointing based on the visual experience upon opening the can. Now obviously that’s an objective thing, so in order to have something quantifiable, he wanted to measure how far the topmost chip was from the top of the tube. After all, the appearance of more potato chips means less disappointment, right?
While it’s of course possible to stick a ruler in the tube, Ahiruneko strived for highly accurate measurements by using a Bosch laser range finder, the ZAMO3.
This device uses a laser light to instantly measure the distance to the surface of an object based on how far the light must project to reach it. By aligning the device with the open top of the potato chip can and aiming the laser for the top of the chip pile, Ahiru Neko would use the ZAMO3 to measure the distance much more accurately than he could with a ruler.
However, it’s important to note that the number displayed on the screen when the ZAMO3 measures a distance includes the length of the device itself, so you have to make sure to subtract 105 millimeters from that total for the most precise number.
With the technicalities squared away, it was now time to do the measuring. Ahiruneko started with Pringles. After opening the lid, he found the chips neatly stacked inside the tube.
Aligning the device with the top of the tube, he aimed the ZAMO3’s laser at the topmost chip…
And determined that the distance was 0.169 meters, or 169 millimeters. After deducting the length of the device (105 millimeters), he measured a final distance of 64 millimeters, or 2.5 inches. Now, the tube itself is 310 millimeters (12.2 inches), which means that 20.6 percent of the tube did not contain chips and therefore was empty space.
With a baseline to judge from, Ahiruneko moved on to Chip Star. He pulled off the lid but was suddenly met with a challenge.
The chips were enclosed in plastic packaging.
Ahiruneko had completely forgotten that, unlike Pringles, Chip Star’s chips come in a bag inside the tube. After thinking for a moment about what to do, he decided first to open the bag…
…and carefully, gently place the chips in the tube, trying very hard not to break them.
With that done, he measured the distance to the topmost chip with the laser.
The result after deducting the length of the device was 75 millimeters (3 inches), and with the length of the tube at 334 millimeters, that left 22.5 percent of the tube empty.
Third on the list was Potelka, and when Ahiruneko lifted the lid…
He found another plastic-wrapped package of chips, so he gingerly moved those into the tube…
And measured with the laser.
The result was exactly the same as Chip Star, with about 75 millimeters (3 inches) of distance between the topmost chip and the top of the tube. This tube was also 334 millimeters tall, so it had the same 22.5 percent of empty space.
Next up was the Top Valu Potato Crisps, which, like the Pringles, did not have its chips in a bag inside the tube, making Ahiruneko’s efforts a bit easier.
He scanned the distance with the laser…
And got a result of 48 millimeters (1.9 inches). With a tube length of 318 millimeters, this left just 15.1 percent of the tube empty.
Last up was Don Quijote’s aptly and simply named Canister Potato Chips. Though not related to the distance portion of the analysis, it was disappointing on its own that the topmost chip in this canister was broken. If that were a factor in the score, it would certainly have been a negative.
Anyway, on to measuring.
The ZAMO3 measured a distance of 64 millimeters (2.5 inches) between the topmost (broken) chip and the top of the tube (after deducting the length of the device). This was the same as Pringles, but the tube was longer at 338 millimeters (13.3 inches), giving it 18.9 percent empty space.
So, in the end, the least most disappointing tube chip brand based on the measured distance between the topmost chip and the top of the tube was…
Top Valu’s Potato Crisps! The measured distance was just 48 millimeters (1.9 inches), which was the shortest by far of all five of the brands Ahiruneko measured. Plus, while three of the five brands were all concluded to contain more than 20-percent empty space, Top Valu’s tube came out to far less, at 15.1 percent.
From an objective viewpoint, looking at the top of each of the open tubes, Top Valu does give the best first impression, appearing to have just a little bit more chips than the others at first glance. For Ahiruneko, this was a rather unexpected result, but it shouldn’t be that surprising, considering Top Valu’s snack quality is good enough that its cheap jerky brand managed to convince many of our foodie reporters it was luxury wagyu jerky.
And that’s not all. Out of the five brands, Top Valu was also the cheapest, and in terms of net weight, contained the second highest amount of chips. This little known, store-brand chip might just be the best of the best in terms of value and lack of disappointing impressions.
If you’re like Ahiruneko and your enjoyment of tube chips begins the moment you open the lid, now you know which brand to go for. Happy snacking!
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