Can a waffle iron save a family torn apart by evil?
Previously on Japan’s Best Home Senbero: The Hawaiian hurricane senbero had reunited Mr. Sato and his little brother Masanuki Sunakoma after a prolonged separation. It was a tumultuous reunion, but in the end it seemed that the brothers were on the mend.
However, the fact remained that Masanuki still had an evil dependency that needed to be solved, and to do that Mr. Sato had to find Japan’s best combination of food and alcohol for about 1,000 yen ($8.84), known as a “senbero” in Japanese.
With time running out for his brother, Senbero God Mr. Sato decided to finally think for a moment about how to accomplish this. He sat in his chair and meditated over a game of computer solitaire when the answer suddenly floated into his mind:
Maffle…
The word struck him like a lightning bolt, causing him to jump out of his seat and rush over to the discount food and drug store Cosmos to assemble what he hoped would be his best senbero ever.
For his drink selection, the Senbero God purchased two large cans of store brand Lemon Strong Chuhai that were on sale for 106 yen ($0.94) each.
Next he bought a Fukkura Burger for 89 yen ($0.79).
Mr. Sato also bought a three-pack of yakisoba noodles for 99 yen ($0.88).
And then, he grabbed some fried tofu for 79 yen ($0.70).
Our reporter also purchased a type of tofu fritter known as a “ganmo” with green onions inside for 99 yen ($0.88).
He then got four packs of sliced ham for 168 yen ($1.49).
And presumably to go with the ham, he also bought 12 slices of processed cheese for 199 yen ($1.76).
With the left over budget he bought a dorayaki, which is like a pancake sandwich with sweet bean paste in the middle, for 79 yen ($0.70).
Altogether, these nine items came to 945 yen ($8.36) before tax. However, it might not be clear what he’s up to unless you recall our discovery of the Maffle by SoraNews24 founder Yoshio. A Maffle is simply a McDonald’s burger that’s been cooked further in a waffle iron.
Maffles were declared marked improvements over standard burgers by our taste-testing team, and further analysis showed that you can pretty much put anything in a waffle iron and it comes out better. So, Mr. Sato postulates that if he puts a whole senbero in a waffle iron, he may very well achieve the elusive best senbero in all of Japan.
▼ Yoshio’s Law: If you can eat it, you can Maffle it
Our Senbero God was so optimistic about this plan that he began to have delusions of being a TV host again.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Welcome back folks! Today we have a very special treat in store for you! Now, you might be wondering what I’m doing with this waffle iron.”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Curious murmuring]
▼ Mr. Sato: “Well, I’ll have you all know that this is NOT a waffle iron… It’s a Maffle iron!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s head: [Thunderous applause]
Mr. Sato: “That’s right! Are y’all ready to Maffle!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Everybody! Ma-ffle, Ma-ffle, Ma-ffle…”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Ma-ffle, Ma-ffle, Ma-ffle…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “MA-FFLE, MA-FFLE, MA-FFLE…”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “MA-FFLE, MA-FFLE, MA-FFLE…”
Mr. Sato let his imaginary audience continue chanting while he ceremoniously oiled the iron.
He then sliced a piece of fried tofu in half and placed it on the iron.
After that, he placed a single slice of cheese on top, followed by the other half of the fried tofu.
Then, he Maffled.
▼ Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Silent awe]
▼ Mr. Sato: “Okay, let’s open it up!”
▼ Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Gasps]
Mr. Sato: “That’s right, folks! It may look like a waffle, but it’s really tofu. Either way, it looks great, doesn’t it?”
The Senbero God did the same thing once again, only this time using the ganmo tofu fritter and cheese.
Then, in an unexpected more, Mr. Sato used the ham in the place of bread for his next cheese sandwich…if you could even call it that. He was really pushing Maffle Theory this time around.
For his next trick, our reporter placed a slice of cheese between a dorayaki and Maffled it too.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ohhhhh? What do we have here?”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Excited murmuring]
One Audience Member in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Ohhh, he’s gonna do the thing now!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Haaaaamburger!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Hahaha!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “HAMBUUUUURRRRGEEEERRRR!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Standing ovation]
The prepackaged hamburger would provide the classic Maffle experience to this senbero, ensuring its overall quality. Mr. Sato added some extra slices of cheese anyway for good luck.
As the burger took on its gridded visage, Mr. Sato stared at his work and felt increasingly confident that this may truly be the senbero that could finally save his brother.
But he wasn’t done yet! There was still the yakisoba to use, and this was going to be an especially unprecedented Maffle experiment.
The Senbero God put one pack of noodles on the iron first.
Then, he added a slice of cheese and some powdered sauce that came with the noodles.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright, folks! Let’s Maffle!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Concerned murmuring]
This was a radical idea, and even Mr. Sato’s hallucination knew it, but he was willing to lay it all on the line to save Masanuki’s soul. When it was finally done Maffling, our writer raised the lid and…it looked really, really good.
This concluded the cooking, so without further ado, here is your 2021 Maffle Senbero starting line-up!
▼ Fried Tofu & Cheese!
▼ Ganmo & Cheese!
▼ Ham & Cheese!
▼ Dorayaki & Cheese!
▼ HAMBUUUURRRGER!!!
▼ And Yakisoba & Cheese!
Mr. Sato was psyched and grabbed his Strong Chuhai with gusto.
Considering he had about a liter (34 ounces) of it, there should be plenty to cover this huge Maffle spread.
He decided to start with the Yakisoba & Cheese Maffle.
The outside was crispy but the inside was warm and gooey with cheese and sauce.
The way he put the powdered sauce on the cheese made the two fuse together for a very bold flavor, but it was delicious. The inner noodles were perhaps a little too fluffy to eat neatly, but that was hardly a problem overall.
Next was the Hamburger Maffle, which should be a no-brainer.
It seemed to have a nice consistency throughout.
And it too was good. A little more ketchup would have made it super delicious, but this was nothing to complain about at all as is.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Just a second…”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Hahaha!”
Next up was the Ganmo & Cheese.
Interestingly, the cheese he had placed inside it seemed to have disappeared.
Even when eating it, he couldn’t notice the cheese so much. Maybe one slice wasn’t enough.
It was a little mysterious, but things became clearer once Mr. Sato started in on the Ham & Cheese Maffle.
It would seem that inside the waffle iron, the cheese melts completely and it runs off to the sides. Therefore, when Maffling one should always use a good quality cheese with a high tolerance to heat to ensure an even Maffle.
Nevertheless, this was still very tasty. In this case the cheese had formed a crispy ring around the ham for a nice composition of textures and tastes.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Next time, I’ll put some mustard on too.”
After that, it was time to dine on the Tofu & Cheese Maffle.
The cheese in this one held up relatively well and could still be seen inside.
With just a little dab of soy sauce, this one would be an ideal alcohol drinking companion.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Speaking of which…”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Haha!”
Now, it was time for dessert, which meant time for the Dorayaki Maffle.
Cheese and sweet beans is a combination not often used, but one with a lot of potential.
Potential which was met to the fullest! The sweet and creamy concoction inside warmly waffled pancakes was undeniably delectable.
▼ Mr. Sato: “This senbero was a pretty huge success, wasn’t it? But I did make one mistake…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I burnt the bottom of the dorayaki and tried to hide it from you.”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Gasps] “…Oh hoho!”
Suddenly, Mr. Sato realized that he may have found Japan’s Best Home Senbero. The only way to be sure, however, would be to offer it to Masanuki and see if it lifted his curse.
He grabbed his leftover Dorayaki Maffle and headed over to the lair of lost senbero souls, where Masanuki usually likes to hang out and gnaw on stuff.
Even if this wasn’t to be Japan’s Best Home Senbero, the waffle iron would prove to be a powerful weapon in future attempts and may still eventually lead to a cure for Masanuki’s curse.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey! Everyone! Maffle, Maffle!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Huh?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Nobody’s here?!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey! Where did everyone go?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Are you all in here?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Is anyone under this filing cabinet? Look what I made!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Where the hell did everyone go?!”
Although everyone in the office seemed to be missing, Mr. Sato’s thoughts turned to his brother. Was he okay? Or worse, was he responsible for this mass disappearance?
Regardless, this meant that Mr. Sato’s senbero would go unacknowledged and be nullified if no one else was present to see it. Even worse, without Masanuki’s interuption, Mr. Sato had no idea how to end this article.
▼ Mr. Sato: “So my stupid brother doesn’t want to show up, eh? Well, I don’t need him! Not! At! All!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Grrrryah!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Fungah!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “HA! Look at me now! I don’t need you brother, not any more!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I can end this article myself! Since when did this become the Masanuki Show anyway? I don’t care if he ever shows up at a senbero again!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Japan’s Best Home Senbero is MY life! It belongs to ME, and only I am allowed to ruin it from now on!”
And so, the Senbero God began to ruin his own senbero by spraying himself in the face with his water gun.
The bracing cold of each water blast helped distract Mr. Sato from the pain of being left alone.
He hoped that if he kept rinsing himself with water, it would somehow wash him clean of his own hurt and regret.
But it did not. An ocean of water couldn’t sweep away Mr. Sato’s feelings for his brother and this water gun only had a capacity of 850 milliliters (29 ounces). Visions of Masanuki and all the fun times they had together repeatedly flashed before his eyes.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Masanuki…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “MASANUKI!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “BROTHER!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “My…brother…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “It’s no use…”
Well… He certainly did ruin his own senbero, so I guess we can end this article now. I don’t really have the background in psychology needed to unwrap what just happened, so let’s just leave him there in a pool of his own tears and super-soaker runoff for now.
Will the Senbero God recover from his breakdown? And will Masanuki ever return along with the rest of the staff? Find out next time on Japan’s Best Home Senbero…if there is a next time.
Catch up on all our “Japan’s Best Home Senbero” articles here:
Episode #1 – Lawson Store 100
Episode #2 – Don Quijote
Episode #3 – Costco
Episode #4 – IKEA
Episode #5 – ABS Wholesale Center
Episode #6 – Aeon
Episode #7 – Kaldi
Episode #8 – 7-Eleven
Episode #9 – Milk and Cake for Dogs
Episode #10 – Hanamasa Meat
Episode #11 – Life
Episode #12 – Shokuhinkan Aoba
Episode #13 – Seiyu
Episode #14 – Amika
Episode #15 – Lopia
Episode #16 – OK
Episdoe #17 – Family Mart
Episode #18 – Manbero
Episode #19 – Ministop
Episode #20 – Yaoko
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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