We’re up to our necks in deliciousness!
Previously on Japan’s Best Home Senbero, Mr. Sato had a total breakdown when the entire staff, including his little brother Masanuki Sunakoma, suddenly disappeared at the climax of what might have been the best combo of food and alcohol for about 1,000 yen ($8.79), known as a “senbero” in Japanese.
However, despite the devastating loss, our Senbero God knows but one path: The Way of the Senbero. And so, he shook off his own shame and regret and bravely carried on, right to the convenience store Daily Yamazaki, not knowing what lay ahead in his future.
For his drink selection, Mr. Sato bought a large can of Sangria Strong Chuhai Lemon for 156 yen ($1.37). These kinds of tall-boys have become a senbero staple for their ability to achieve a highly cost-effective buzz.
And since it was lunch time, he bought a Lunch Pack, which is a popular line of packaged sandwiches with a wide range of fillings from sweet to savory. This time, Mr. Sato opted for the classic peanut cream filling for 140 yen ($1.23).
He also got a chocolate-filled Lunch Pack for 135 yen ($1.19). By the way, these sandwiches are produced by bakery giant Yamazaki Baking, the same company that runs the Daily Yamazaki stores.
Keeping with the sweet theme, Mr. Sato purchased a cream puff filled with whipped cream and custard for 148 yen ($1.30).
Next, he grabbed a box of Yamazaki Baking’s Levain Prime crackers for 108 yen ($0.95). Those might look like Ritz knock-offs, but actually Yamazaki Baking was once the licensed producer of Ritz in Japan. So in a weird way, they might be considered more like “real Ritz” than actual Ritz in Japan.
And showing his true Senbero God prowess, Mr. Sato bought another bag of crackers, this time salted Salad Usuyaki crackers from Kameda for 55 yen ($0.48). It’s all in blending tastes with subtle differences that make for a truly great senbero.
Last but not least, he bought cup of Baskin Robbins’ Pistachio & Caramel Ribbon flavored ice cream for 319 yen ($2.81).
The ice cream proved very expensive, taking up about a third of his total senbero budget. In the end he had just seven items for a total of 1,061 yen ($9.33) after tax, but the Senbero God seemed confident that he had all that was needed.
Unlike the meandering goofiness of the days of senbero past, Mr. Sato was more focused on his art and assembled his equipment promptly. He didn’t seem sad exactly, rather he appeared to be a lot more lucid compared to previous outings.
Since it was highly effective last time, he once again called upon his trusty Maffle iron.
Lunch Packs seemed as if they were made for a good Maffling.
However, they tend to be really loaded with fillings and risk bursting in the iron. Mr. Sato would have to tread with care to ensure a clean and even Maffle.
Lunch Packs always come with two sandwiches, so our reporter would Maffle one and then serve the other as is, but sliced into halves.
The peanut cream Lunch Pack was ready. As expected, some of the cream seeped out the sides, but it still looked delectable.
He repeated the same process with the chocolate Lunch Pack and learning from the previous time, he ended up with an even neater Maffle.
Next was the cream puff with two types of cream inside. As you might have noticed, Mr. Sato is making the theme of this senbero “twos” as in pairs, duos, couples, or…brothers?
Of course, no one dared mention the almost Freudian subtext of this senbero to the Senbero God, for fear it would send him relapsing into a fit of water-gun self-flagellation.
▼ One week ago
He seemed happier now, and keeping busy with his latest senbero had been doing wonders at keeping his mind off of troubles with his younger brother.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Two cream puffs are better than one!”
Mr. Sato then did the unexpected and started scooping out the cream of the cream puff.
He placed it on the dish with his Lunch Packs and Maffles, calmly telling us that this was to be the dip for his crackers. That’s pretty clever, but what would happen to the hollowed-out cream puff husks?
Without answering that mystery, our reporter’s attention turned to the main event of this senbero.
He simply scooped out the pistachio and caramel ice cream onto the Maffles and soberly declared, “I’m done.”
It was…amazing. Considering his limited budget, Mr. Sato managed to create a lunch that was both humble and luxurious at the same time. In this way it encapsulated the very essence of the senbero, was expertly crafted, and beautifully arranged.
Even more amazingly, he did it all without any dancing, hallucinations, or mangling references to classic anime.
Could it be that our Senbero God had transcended all sense of self and achieved a state of “senbirvana,” thus making him a Senbero Buddha?
▼ Mr. Sato: “Kampai!”
He looked unusually tranquil as he cracked open his Strong Chuhai and sipped it while staring off into the distance.
By this time the ice cream had melted into the crevices of the Maffle, filling them with pools of rich sweetness.
Mr. Sato slowly took a bite and seemed to pause as if the singular action in his mind was lasting an eternity – an eternity of satisfaction.
He then slowly moved back and marveled at the deliciousness he had just borne witness too. The warmth of the Maffle and chill of the ice cream swirled together like a yin and yang, both conflicting and complementing each other while wrapped in an all-encompassing spectrum of sweet flavors.
But he wasn’t done yet. Mr. Sato next started dipping his crackers into the whipped cream and custard. The two slightly different salty snacks each mingled with the sweet and fluffy cream in the most heavenly of ways.
Perhaps parting with his brother was ultimately a good thing.
Although the Senbero Buddha had gone through an undeniably hard time, the transition ultimately had helped him to see things clearly.
He was finally at peace and enjoying the pleasures of the senbero in its purest form.
Maybe we could all learn a lesson from this and dress-up as children while shooting ourselves in the face with a water gun every once in a while.
However, the question of the leftover cream puff pastry husks lingered. What was the Senbero Buddha going to do with them?
Oh no! He’s actually pouring the Strong Chuhai into the pastry as if it was a cup! Folks, this is truly a king of the senbero arts! Oh my Antonio DeNiro, I do not believe what I am seeing!
He’s drinking it, and the lemon-flavored drink in the creamy pastry looks amazing! Everyone, this is it! I mean this has to be it, right?
Yes, I think we can safely say that after all this time of tireless searching, Mr. Sato the Senbero Buddha of Shimane has at long last found Japan’s…Best…Home…
▼ [Knock, knock]
▼ Mr. Sato: “Yes? Who is it?”
▼ Masanuki: “Brother!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh…Masanuki. Enter.”
▼ Masanuki: “Brother! [huffing, puffing]“
▼ Masanuki: “Thank Antonio I found…ungh, you.”
▼ Masanuki: “Hang on… Lemme bounce ungh little closer…”
Mr. Sato’s brother’s abrupt appearance completely shattered the serenity of the senbero as he writhed around the room like a grotesque Silent Hill monster.
As his limbless torso slammed against the cabinets and appliances, all the joy of Mr. Sato’s meal began to evaporate from his body.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Masanuki! Are you doing kubipan now?!”
“Kubipan” is the act of pulling one’s pants – or “pan” – up to their neck – or “kubi” in Japanese.
▼ Masanuki: “Huff…huff…”
Although it’s well-established as the coolest way to wear pants ever, if done improperly it can cause severe discomfort to one’s intergluteal cleft.
▼ Masanuki: “Brother, I…hoh…”
▼ Masnauki: “I’m just going to lie down… Just for a minute.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Masanuki: “Kinda tired…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Well duh. You’re over 40 and walking around like a swinging twenty-something with your pants hiked up to your neck? Don’t you know kubipan is only for the kids?”
▼ Masanuki: “Stop! You’re wrong, brother!”
▼ Masanuki: “I saw the article you did last month! You made a mockery of the kubipan!!!”
▼ Masanuki: “I don’t know what you have against good fashion to try and ruin it…”
▼ Masanuki: “BUT I’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU!”
In stark contrast to a few minutes earlier, the Senbero Buddha had quickly become a nervous wreck. His little brother seemed to have found a completely new way to ruin his search of finding Japan’s Best Home Senbero by hijacking the entire article to yell at him about other, completely unrelated articles.
▼ Masanuki: “Watch carefully, brother. I’m about to reveal my true form.”
Suddenly, Masanuki’s body began to convulse and a pair of what appeared to be arms emerged from his body, as if by magic.
▼ Masanuki: “Uuuuungh!”
▼ Masanuki: “Rrrrrah!”
It began to dawn on Mr. Sato that Masanuki’s disappearance was possibly because he was gathering his power while confined in his kubipan like a caterpillar in a chrysalis, and now it was time for this butterfly to emerge.
▼ Masanuki: “Gyarrrrrgh!”
▼ Masanuki: “Hehehe… What do you think, brother?”
Mr. Sato wasn’t sure what to think. He pretty much looked the same as before, except for the smile. However, it wasn’t the warm smile that one might expect from their brother. It had a manic, insidious quality.
▼ Masanuki: “Come on, brother. It’s time you knew what a real kubipan feels like!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Wait! This isn’t even my coat!!! I just found it lying around the office.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Nooooo! One of the buttons popped off!”
Masanuki: “Bwahaha! That won’t matter soon!”
Masanuki seemed possessed, but not like his usual possession. This time he was fixated on the art of pulling his pants up to his neck, and was obsessed with making Mr. Sato do the same.
▼ Masanuki: “Come on, brother! I have such wonderful things to show you!”
The shock of the situation caused Mr. Sato to pass out. The last thing he could remember was his brother’s smiling face, because it was the one time he almost seemed normal.
When he came to, Masanuki was standing behind him, holding a pair of sweatpants around his midsection.
▼ Masanuki: “You disrespected the kubipan. Now it is time to become one with the kubipan. Any last words?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Yeah, I…”
Masanuki: “Uuuungh!!!”
▼ Masanuki: “Kubipan: Stage One complete!”
Mr. Sato: “Eeeeeteeteetee!”
▼ Masanuki: “Kubipan: Stage Two complete!”
Mr. Sato: “Kets-kets-kets-kets!”
▼ Masanuki: “Kubipan: STAAAAAGE THREEEEEEEEE!”
Mr. Sato: “Aaaaaaaaaargh!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Mommy!!!”
Although his mind had been warped by wearing his pants too tight, Masanuki was right.
Mr. Sato’s previous attempt at kubipan was nothing compared to this.
Masanuki continued to violently pull well beyond the thresholds thought possible by both fabric and human flesh.
The pants began entering crevices of Mr. Sato’s groin that he didn’t even knew existed, the pants’ fibrous tendrils began seeping into his very soul.
His brother wouldn’t let up for a moment, pulling the sweatpants so hard that it became hard to tell where they ended and Mr. Sato began.
Mr. Sato too began to feel his mind get cloudy. Ancient knowledge of the senbero arts began to fade, replaced with intimate knowledge of different kinds of cotton and polyester. Gradually the dream of finding a great combo of alcohol and food for a reasonable price grew dim. All that mattered now were sweatpants and how much of one’s body could be covered by them.
Mr. Sato doesn’t remember much after that. But when he awoke, he felt a newfound respect for his younger brother. Although lesser in years, his knowledge of the kubipan arts was great and worthy of admiration.
▼ Mr. Sato: “All hail, Masanuki. All hail sweatpants up to your neck.”
It looks like we might have stumbled a tad on our search for the best senbero in the country. A person doesn’t experience a wedgie that severe and just walk away the same afterward. We’ll be sure to assess the damage done next time on Japan’s Best Sweatpants up to Our Necks.
Catch up on all our “Japan’s Best Home Senbero” articles here:
Episode #1 – Lawson Store 100
Episode #2 – Don Quijote
Episode #3 – Costco
Episode #4 – IKEA
Episode #5 – ABS Wholesale Center
Episode #6 – Aeon
Episode #7 – Kaldi
Episode #8 – 7-Eleven
Episode #9 – Milk and Cake for Dogs
Episode #10 – Hanamasa Meat
Episode #11 – Life
Episode #12 – Shokuhinkan Aoba
Episode #13 – Seiyu
Episode #14 – Amika
Episode #15 – Lopia
Episode #16 – OK
Episdoe #17 – Family Mart
Episode #18 – Manbero
Episode #19 – Ministop
Episode #20 – Yaoko
Episode #21 – Cosmos
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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