More money, more problems.
Previously on Japan’s Best Home Senbero, we witnessed the beginning of Masanuki Sunakoma’s transition from dark senbero lord to studious pupil of our Senbero God Mr. Sato.
▼ Believe it or not, this was a huge improvement
Well, we’re thrilled to report that Masanuki has made huge progress since then and doesn’t seem to be evil anymore! And so, there was much rejoicing in the senbero world with no one happier about it than Mr. Sato himself.
And to celebrate he decided to hold a Thanksgiving feast in the form of a “manbero.” The “sen” in “senbero” is the Japanese word for the number “1,000,” referring to the price of the food and alcohol combo in yen. “Man,” on the other hand, is the Japanese word for 10,000, which means Mr. Sato will spend ten times as much money for this senbero.
To maximize his expanded budget, the Senbero God once again visited a commercial food supplier. These types of stores usually sell in bulk to restaurants and cafes which means he can get a good deal on big quantities.
For his drink selection, Mr. Sato got 2.7 liters (0.7 gallons) of the 20-percent-ABV distilled liquor shochu for 1,270 yen ($11.26). The price of this alone surpassed that of an ordinary senbero.
Then, Mama Mia! That’s the name of the company that made this frozen pizza topped with truffles for 325 yen ($2.88).
Next he purchased a plate of cow tongue imported all the way from the U.S. for 742 yen ($6.58).
He also grabbed a pack of chopped salmon for 498 yen ($4.42).
After that, he got some mal-yukhoe, which is raw horse meat similar to steak tartare and imported from Argentina for 228 yen ($2.02).
Keeping things international, he then got a slice of horse sashimi from Canada for 296 yen ($2.62).
He also got a piece of horse loin sashimi for 569 yen ($5.04), again from Canada.
But the centerpiece of his haul has to be this huge 700-gram (1.5-pound) platter of snow crab from Russia for 3,980 yen ($35.29).
For some added flavor, Mr. Sato spent 745 yen ($6.61) on a big bag of matsutake mushroom pieces used in soups and rice dishes.
From China, he got a case of six salted duck eggs for 378 yen ($3.35).
Then, he bought a jar of salted sea urchin for 248 yen ($2.20).
And for desert, he splurged on a fine Ibaraki melon for 698 yen ($6.19).
In an added bit of auspiciousness, the total for these 12 items came out to 10,000 yen ($88.66) on the dot before taxes.
And there’s so much food it’s probably going to take a long time to prepare it all…or is it?
Using the magical powers he learnt from the wisest of LPGA athletes, our own Smiling Cinderella Sato swung his magic club and got everything ready instantly.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ding!”
The magic came in handy because he’ll need the extra time to work on his huge jug of shochu. Our reporter assured us that there was nothing to worry about with this drink because it was free of both purines and sugar.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Zero, baby!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “You hear that? No gout for this guy here!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “No gout!”
As he poured his first glass, Mr. Sato confided that this was his favorite moment of every senbero. This was the time where the anticipation builds to a maximum.
The shochu was a lot stronger than he expected, and he also confessed that he had wanted to get a sweeter sake instead but didn’t have enough money for 2.7 liters of that.
First, Senbero God Sato tried the truffle pizza. He had magically cooked it a little too long and blackened the crust a bit, unfortunately this made it a little too crunchy too. Also, although there were clearly many truffles on top, the pie didn’t have that desired truffle scent.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ah well… For 338 yen, what are you gonna do?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Bottoms up!”
Next came the chopped salmon, of which Mr. Sato started off with a giant mouthful.
It was fine, but he realized immediately that it would have gone better as a topping or sushi roll filling than just eating it straight.
Next, our reporter bit his tongue.
Strangely this magically cooked food all got cold pretty fast. This hurt the overall taste of the beef tongue somewhat, but for the most part it was just fine. Just like the last time he shopped at a commercial food retailer, many of the items were more like blank slates that restaurants could add their own flavor to.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh well…to your health!”
Next up was the yukhoe and sashimi. Normally raw meat like this brings with it a certain risk, but it seemed completely fresh without any peculiar odors.
The loin in particular was the most delicious. By the way, in Japanese “loin” cuts of meat are usually called “roosu“, pronounced “roas” like “roast” but without the “t” at the end. I explain all this because the deliciousness of this meat caused Mr. Sato to evolve into…
▼ Mr. Sato: “Sato Kroas!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Meeeeeeerrrrrry…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “CHRISTMAS!!!”
Luckily it was still November, giving Sato Kroas plenty of time to start in on the crab before he had to deliver toys to all the good children of the world.
He was nervous about this part the most. Because, this being by far the most expensive senbero item he had ever bought, there were high expectations for it to be delicious.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hmm…yes…yes…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “This is good! Especially for the price.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “How about a claw?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Delicious!!!”
The Senbero God next calmed down with a nice bowl of matsutake mushroom soup.
Holding the bowl like the dainty pro-golfer spirit of Christmas he was, Mr. Sato sipped from his bowl.
It too had gotten a little cold and slimy. Much like many of us did at the age of 10, Mr. Sato learned the price of goofing around too much and letting his dinner get cold.
Luckily his next item had no such problem. These were salted duck eggs or, as they’re called in Japanese, ahiru tamago…
▼ Mr. Sato: “Wait a sec… Did you say ‘ahiru?'”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Saaaaay, speaking of ahiru…”
Mr. Sato once again journeyed into the land of the lost senbero souls – those who don’t appreciate the joy of a senbero and thus are incapable of any pleasure in life at all.
▼ Mr. Sato: “HEY! YOU!”
▼ Ahiruneko: “Yeeeees.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “HAHA! What the hell was that?”
Ahiruneko: “It wasn’t that funny. You’re drunk already, aren’t you?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Look, do you know what this is?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “This is ahiru tamago, and you are ahiruneko. Did you know that?”
▼ Ahiruneko: “I knew some of it. What are you talking about?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hang on… I guess you have to peel these things first.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “There! You see now!? It’s all lumpy and a little bigger than a chicken egg.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Here you go. This is your baby. Eat it.”
Ahiruneko: “It smells bad and I’m leaving now.”
▼ Ahiruneko: “I thought I told you to leave me out of these things after you made me eat dog food.”
▼ Ahiruneko: “I’m going to talk to HR again.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I don’t get it. Was it something I said? Was it too lumpy for him?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “WAS IT TOO LUMPY FOR YOU?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Maybe it just reminded him of a relative.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Whew, that’s about as salty as Ahiruneko was just now! Where…is…my…drink?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ah yes, right here in my hand.”
The last course of Mr. Sato’s manbero was the jar of sea urchin.
Not knowing how to eat it, he just started shoveling it in his mouth.
It was then that he realized that it also really, really salty, but would have been great if served on some rice.
That ship, however, had sailed so instead he took another mouthful of shochu and swished it around with the urchin meat.
And so, it was time to bring this manbero to a close with Sato Kroas’ desert melon.
▼ Mr. Sato: “I KNOW! I’LL CUT IT INTO PIECES SO EVERYONE CAN ENJOY!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “But how many people are there here? I’ll just cut it in half first.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Wow, looks delicious! But what do I do now?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I can probably cut each half into three, which will give me six pieces.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “OK! Time to get the kids!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Gather around everyone!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright boys and girls… It’s melon time!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Yes, I have a piece for all my most treasured friends. Here you go.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh wow! This is good! And so much better with my best friends. Yes, I can’t imagine anyone other than you five that I’d rather enjoy this melon with.”
▼ *Knock, knock*
The door quickly opened and a warm breeze like that of a tropical island swept into the room. In came the bright-eyed and fresh-faced Masanuki with some exciting news to share with his brother.
▼ Masanuki: “Hey bro, check out this rad water gun!”
▼ Masanuki: “Oh? What’s everyone doing?”
▼ Ahiruneko: “Heheheh…”
Masanuki: “Who are you? And don’t you know it’s rude to laugh at people like that? It’s super insensitive.”
▼ Masanuki: “Aw, everyone’s eating melon? Cool, I love melon.”
▼ Masanuki: “Big bro?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Uh yes, little bro?”
▼ Masanuki: “Bro! Don’t play dumb. Hit me up with my melon, man.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I’m not playing. There is no more melon.”
▼ Masanuki: “Wow…oh…right. I see…”
▼ Masanuki: “I think there’s a pack of uncooked noodles somewhere. I’ll go chew on that, I guess.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Wait! I think there’s still some raw meat that’s been sitting around on the table that you can have!”
▼ Masanuki: “[Sniff] No, it’s fine… I just remembered something important I need to do.”
▼ Masanuki: “Gyaaaaagh!”
As we have seen before, raw noodles are often a gateway food to becoming a dark senbero lord. Will Mr. Sato’s oversight send Masanuki back over the edge or will the conflicted man-child find the strength to stick with the path of senbero righteousness? Find out next time on Japan’s Best Home Senbero!
Catch up on all our “Japan’s Best Home Senbero” articles here:
Episode #1 – Lawson Store 100
Episode #2 – Don Quijote
Episode #3 – Costco
Episode #4 – IKEA
Episode #5 – ABS Wholesale Center
Episode #6 – Aeon
Episode #7 – Kaldi
Episode #8 – 7-Eleven
Episode #9 – Milk and Cake for Dogs
Episode #10 – Hanamasa Meat
Episode #11 – Life
Episode #12 – Shokuhinkan Aoba
Episode #13 – Seiyu
Episode #14 – Amika
Episode #15 – Lopia
Episode #16 – OK
Episdoe #17 – Family Mart
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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