HARAJUKU X CDMX: It’s a boozy bare-bones senbero from OK discount store!【Japan’s Best Home Senbero】

https://ift.tt/2ZNNPPZ Master Blaster

And this time it’s personal.

For weeks now, our reporter Mr. Sato has travelled all over Japan – from Tokyo to Oita, but not much in between – in search of Japan’s Best Home Senbero which is a set of alcohol and food that costs about 1,000 yen ($8.78).

What started as a playful experiment has now turn into a race against time as Mr. Sato’s increasingly strong senbero powers led to the demonic possession of his co-worker Masanuki Sunakoma. With finding the best senbero in the country Mr. Sato’s only key to saving Masanuki, he continues his journey, selflessly eating and drinking as much as he can.

This time Mr. Sato is going to “OK” which is the slightly confusing name of a chain of discount stores in the Kanto area, and where our Senbero God will attempt the OK Oden Senbero for the first time.

Not anticipating to spend much on stewed ingredients for his oden, Mr. Sato went a little overboard with his drink selections this time around. First, he chose a bottle of OK’s house wine from Le Cellier de La Deli Boutique for 377 yen ($3.31).

Then he got a bottle of Zima that was on sale for 98 yen ($0.86) because it was nearing its best-before date.

And finally he got a bag of frozen shochu distilled liquor, which was weird to say the least but also only 76 yen ($0.67).

To prepare his oden, Mr. Sato first purchased a pack of chicken soup bones for 28 yen ($0.25).

He then got another pack of soup bones for 28 yen ($0.25).

Then, he bought another pack of soup bones for 30 yen ($0.26).

Next, he purchased another pack of soup bones for 30 yen ($0.26).

After that, he grabbed one more pack of soup bones for 32 yen ($0.28).

But then he remembered he needed another pack of soup bones for 45 yen ($0.39).

You can always count on some bean sprouts for a cost-effective side dish or topping, and this time was no different, costing only 28 yen ($0.25).

This piece of fresh ginger should add a little zing to the oden and only costs 128 yen ($1.12).

And of course he’ll need some oden soup mix for 88 yen ($0.77) to bring it all together.

In total, these 12 items cost OVER 900!!! It was all 988 yen ($8,67) before tax to be exact.

First, Mr. Sato took out the clearly horse-shaped piece of ginger and marveled at its appearance.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey! This looks like a submarine!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Captain! We’re taking on water! Emergency!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “You all head to the lifeboats, I’ll do what I can here. Hurry!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “No! You’re engaged to my daughter. Although we’re both headstrong and have had our differences, she’ll need you now more than ever! Go, but promise me one thing…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Take care of her… Take care of… *glub*”

▼ Mr. Sato: “…my princess. *glub*”

▼ Mr. Sato: “…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “End scene.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “…”

With his audition out of the way, Mr. Sato started to peel his ginger. The calm, repetitive actions made the Senbero God’s mind wander to days gone by.

▼ Mr. Sato: “You know, back when I was 20 years old, I used to work at a pachinko parlor. I got the job through a friend.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Back then I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I had a job at least, but didn’t really see the point in it. I didn’t like the customers there and since I was only 20, I didn’t take it very seriously. I saw a lot of people lose big and get hit hard too. It made me vow never to let myself get hooked on gambling.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was a valuable experience to be exposed to different kinds of people like that. It was a good time, and I remember an old guy who used to shout obscene words. I guess that would be considered sexual harassment or some kind of harassment now. Heck, I probably should have complained back then too, but I couldn’t bring myself to…hmph.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh, I’m sorry. That was way too real for a Japan’s Best Home Senbero article.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Time to grate the ginger, and look! This grater looks like one of those old-timey cell phones!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hello? Yes, I want you to sell all my Cabbage Patch Kids stock and funnel it all into Garbage Pail Kids trading cards ASAP! Radical, thanks!”

The Senbero God then started to grate all his ginger. Long time readers may recall that he really likes grating.

He really likes it.

When that was done, he added the oden mix to a pot of water and heated it while gently stirring.

Then he scooped in all the grated ginger.

Last but not least came the soup bones.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Soup?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Duh bone!!!”

After putting one pack of chicken into the oden, it finally dawned on Mr. Sato that he had bought too much.

After filling the pot as much as he could, the Senbero God placed the rest on a sheet of aluminum foil to cook in the oven.

This would require seasoning, however.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Salt!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Bae!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “In you go.”

Back at the pot, some scum was forming at the surface and Mr. Sato prepared to skim it off.

However, after each dip he could only get a small amount.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Gyah! At this rate I’ll be skimming until tomorrow morning!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Tell me, scum: Does stew feel fear?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Grrrrrrrah!!!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Huuuyagh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Ungh!”

Mr. Sato was now all blue, and this wasn’t even his final form.

It really did nothing to help him skim the stew either, but the calming blue tones made him learn to accept a layer of sediment on his food.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Eh, good enough.”

After a quick taste test, he felt the flavor was still too thin.

The Senbero God added another packet of oden mix.

But it was still thin…

▼ Mr. Sato: ”It seems as if the flavor of the chicken isn’t coming out. What the heck?”

It certainly wasn’t for lack of chicken. Not knowing what else to do, Mr. Sato chanted an old senbero spell to seek guidance from the elder gods.

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heck?♪”

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heck?♫”

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heck?♪”

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heck?♫”

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heck?♪”

▼ Mr. Sato: “What the heeeeeeeeeeeck?♫”

The gods were clearly pleased with his chant, and the flavor of the chicken came out while he was dancing.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Thank you.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright folks, it’s me Bean Sprout Sato comin’ at ya!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “YEAH!!!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “And just pile on the sprouts like so…”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Ohhhhh…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hamburger!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Hahaha!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “HAMBURGER!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “HAHAHAHA!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “HAAAAAAAAAAMBURGER!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Standing Ovation]

Everything looked nicely cooked by this point so Mr. Sato got some serving dishes.

It was a little dicey there for a moment but his budget-conscious oden looked okay in the end.

Moreover, he had a huge haul of hootch to go with it all.

Mr. Sato decided to start with his vintage La Deli Boutique.

However, he had trouble getting the cork out.

He did not fear this challenge. Rather, like a true warrior he rose to meet it.

But he needed to be stronger.

Strength is the only thing that matters in this world. Everything else is just a delusion of the weak.

▼ Mr. Sato: “GYAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Mr. Sato’s senbero level was skyrocketing! He was becoming Super Senbero Sato.

He returned to the corkscrew, his fingers bristling with raw energy.

And the cork came out with almost no effort at all.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Now that’s more like it.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Santé!”

The OK house wine was very sweet, but luckily Mr. Sato has the biggest sweet tooth in Tokyo.

Next he tried some of his oven baked chicken.

They were crispy, but had entirely too little meat on them.

▼ Mr. Sato: “I know they’re soup bones, but still…”

Moving on to the oden, Mr. Sato could still get the best of these bones by having them lend their flavor to the soup.

The bean sprout had a very nice texture and the soup also had a nice blend of seasonings and a savory touch of chicken.

The chicken itself, however, was still too little. Since there wasn’t many other ingredients in the oden, it left the Senbero God wanting more.

At least he had a lot to drink.

Speaking of which, Mr. Sato pulled out his bottle of Zima next. He used to drink it a lot back in the day, but this would be the first time in a while.

▼ Mr. Sato: “ZIIIIIIMAAAAAA!”

Finally, he brought out the pouch of frozen shochu.

However, because he took to long to cook everything, it had melted. This meant he no longer even needed his Super Senbero powers to crush it.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Gyaaaah!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hurrrragh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Ungh!”

Mr. Sato didn’t realize that this shochu was intended to be served as a slush and mixed with something to cut its steep 20-percent alcohol content.

Even after all these senbero, Mr. Sato remained a lightweight against alcohol. In addition, he’d already had a couple glasses of wine and a Zima.

The very hard shochu was beginning to take hold…

10 minutes later…

▼ Mr. Sato: “BWAHAHAHA! So then I sez to her, I sez…”

On the other hand, the very essence of a senbero is to let go of your troubles and concerns, and it seemed Mr. Sato had done just that. Even better, now that he had gained the ability to go Super Senbero, he could easily kick the crap out of any dark senbero lord who might wander in unannounced.

▼ Mr. Sato: “I sez, that ain’t no dog, lady! It’s a…huh?”

The ringing phone startled the Senbero God, because no one ever calls him.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hullo?”

▼ Mr. Sato’s Mother: “Oh, Hidenori? Is that you?”
Mr. Sato: “Mom? MOM! How long has it been? How’s it hanging?”

▼ Mr. Sato’s Mother: “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but it kept slipping my mind. You have a little brother I never told you about, and he’s coming to see you now.”
Mr. Sato: “Wha?! That’s quite a bombshell to drop right before the end of a Japan’s Best Home Senbero article, don’t you think?”
Mr. Sato’s Mother: “Yeah I guess… Whelp, I gotta run, bye!”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Mr. Sato was suspicious at how fast the knock came right after hanging up with is mother. There’s no way his long lost kid brother could arrive so quickly, was there?

Slowly the handle turned and the door cracked open…

▼ Mr. Sato: “I never even said ‘come in.’ Great, this guy’s a jerk to boot.”

Slowly a figure entered the office.

Mr. Sato suddenly felt relieved. It was just the dark senbero lord Masanuki, coming in like he always does to ruin Mr. Sato’s senbero and rough him up. Luckily, this time the Senbero God had the upper hand and just needed to go Super Senbero…but he was too drunk to remember how.